The River Styx and its immortal rower...

A spooky (and endearing story) for Halloween, from 'Fauna', our vegan noir short story collection by Dr David Hartley!

I fondly remember the Zoom launch for ‘Fauna’, Manchester writer Dr David Hartley’s short fiction collection. To begin, he placed the book in the middle of a guinea pig cage. Whilst listeners logged in, eleven piggies set to work destroying the book. It was like live art.

Then came on David in a dark cloak and a Yorkshire accent - clearly now the character you will meet below, the immortal rower of the Styx river…

We called ‘Fauna’ our ‘vegan noir’ collection: from guinea pigs navigating the underworld, birds seeking a token human for their kingdom, to a man haunted by a shapeshifting fox, this is a darkly humorous collection of rich language, blurring the lines between nature, nurture and cruelty.

I wanted to share this humorous story from the underworld and I do hope you enjoy it…

‘A Place To Dump Guinea Pigs’!

(Picture shows Hartley’s piggie ‘Macduff’!

by Dr David Hartley

Heard his ‘eartbeat before I saw him and yeah, I was excited, but I was also like; ay up, a live one. What fun ‘n games we got now? Immortal? ‘ero? Or just someone badly lost?

It had been a while. The longest while. I’d figured ‘em all dead; that I’d long taken my last boat-load over. But why would I still be here? So maybe they’re all immortal now - one of Zeus’ millennial whims, some bizarre pact between him and a wronged lover or summat. But I’d have heard somethin’. Hades would’ve been over in a flash to sort that shit out.

Maybes there’s another way over my river, or under it, or around it that I don’t know about. Or perhaps they’ve all buggered off to Elysium. I even wondered if there was anyone left over t’other side; tempted more than once to row over and have a look. But, nah; if I was supposed to know, I’d know, and I’ve been stuck here thousands o’ years, what’s a few more? I ain’t interested in nowhere else to live.

Had some hangers-on to keep me company. The chancers who didn’t have enough coin first time ‘round and were paying their 100-year penance. Some of ‘em were alright as well, we had a laugh. But I punted ‘em over one by one when their long-awaited time came, until there was no-one left but little old me.

And then this guy comes. This bloke. With his heartbeat and his bag full of guinea pigs.